The Power of Communication

Words have power. Use yours wisely.

Words can hurt. Words can heal. Words can destroy. Words can build. Words can sting. Words can excite. Words can sooth. Words can bite.

But words can’t be deleted. They live forever in the memory of someone you spoke to, the cache of someone’s computer, in a Google search, in an inbox or on a Facebook page.

Every day, men and women use thousands of words to communicate their thoughts, actions and feelings. But do we think about the impact those words could have on those we direct them towards? If you are being honest with yourself, the answer is probably, no.

I felt the power of positive words today. A simple email, from an unexpected source, brightened my entire day. Three little words; “Thanks, you rock.” It left me with a smile on my face. That same person earlier in the day had emailed me and had some bad news, but even in the way she worded it, I knew that it would be OK. We won’t always agree and we won’t always have a positive message, but bringing up negative points in a positive way can move everyone forward together.

We might say, life is busy and we don’t have time for niceties or you might say, I was angry and they needed to know it. But if you think about it, in the time it took for you to say something negative and elicit a likely negative response, you could have said something positive and gotten a positive response.

Another email today set me on the war path. I couldn’t believe the tone that was taken, the back-handed compliment, the condescension that oozed from every word of the author. It would have been easy to reply with an equally snarky and passive aggressive tone, but I took the advice of a wise woman. I counted to 10, OK, I counted to 50, then I took a walk, then I got a coffee and then I responded to the email. I decided the high road was the path less taken and I took it. I thanked this person for their insight, I assured them that the proper steps were being taken and I welcomed further comments. You know what happened next? I got an apology. 

Sometimes in our need to “be heard” we are heard in a way we’d never want to be.

Dr. Susanne Gaddis, CEO of "The Communications Doctor," says that life is about creating better moments. (see YouTube link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HqzvWXLO4w )

Those moments are created every three to six seconds and can either enhance your life, detract from it or leave you no worse for the wear. Your interactions with people, your words and your non-verbal communications are what determine, what kind of moment you will create.

Delta Gamma is about “Do Good;” two simple words that can create layers and layers of hope, education, courage, commitment and strength. Two words that can go further than you think. Two words that if lived day in and day out, can create a sisterhood that everyone will want to emulate.

When the bombs went off in Boston, we learned that a Delta Gamma sister was among those hurt. She and her newly-wed husband both lost limbs in the explosion that shook our entire nation. In the hours and days following the explosion, this sister’s friends started a fund that has grown to nearly $1 million. Delta Gammas from around the country wrote messages of Hope and Courage to her while she recovers and collegiate and alumnae chapters in Boston reached out to this sister during her time of need. The power to "Do Good" will always triumph over the power of evil, just like the power of positive words will always triumph over negative.

I offer you this challenge. The next time you speak to a friend, sister, colleague or family member, think about the words that you want to use. What outcome will your words get you? Words have power. Use yours wisely.

Resources:

The Power of Positive Communication: http://www.foaj.ca/attachments/view/263/the_power_of_positive_communications.pdf

A Crash Course in Communications:

http://www.inc.com/articles/2000/08/20000.html

Mary Ellen Hardies is the Director of Communications for Delta Gamma Fraternity. She is a sister of Phi Mu's Ohio University chapter. You can reach her at maryellen@deltagamma.org.

A Socially Savvy DG Story

After graduating from the Epsilon Zeta chapter at Loyola Marymount University in 2007, I was ready to conquer the “real world”.  After graduation, I moved back home to San Diego and got an internship with The Upper Deck Company, where I was quickly given the reigns to tackle the new marketing buzz term, social media.

Facebook had just rolled out Pages for companies, YouTube and Twitter were just born, and blogging was about to take off. The marketing world as we knew it was going social. And who better than a communicative sorority girl to take the lead? I worked at Upper Deck for two and a half years before moving into the hospitality space to create social media strategies for high-end resorts. In 2011, I started my own business, Carrie Elizabeth Consulting, and was hired a year and a half later by Internet Marketing Inc., a full-service digital marketing agency in San Diego, to build out the social media department.

On my first day at IMI in October of 2012, I had one client. Four months later, I had eight clients and needed some help. I connected with a friend in the industry who connected me with what looked like the perfect candidate to help me build the social media team, Devon DeMars. I clicked on her LinkedIn profile and saw that we had ten mutual connections – two of which were my roommates at the time, and another who is my sister! It turns out that Devon was a DG at USC! We hit it off instantly, and I’m so happy to have her on the team.

On Devon’s first day of work, I introduced her to the other employees, and ended the tour with her meeting our new social media intern at the time, Kelsey Powell. After a few days Devon realized she was carrying a DG gym bag with her to work! Kelsey graduated from San Diego State University last May and is now one of our social media project managers… Yet another DG added to the social team!

 

Our social team only continued to grow, and so did the need for another team member. I was given a resume from a co-worker who spoke highly of a candidate named Sara Rogers. “She’s even a Delta Gamma”, he said, “which means she will be a great fit”. Sara had graduated from University of Colorado at Boulder and in fact is a perfect fit with our team.

Now four DGs strong in our department, word has gotten out that IMI has a soft spot for Delta Gammas. We now have two interns who are also DGs and who are seniors currently at San Diego State University, Julia White and Hallie Jacobs.

What can we say, even our mission statement has “Do Good” in it.

Carrie Peterson was the chapter president of Epsilon Zeta-Loyola Marymount in 2006 and is currently the social media director at IMI, where she currently works with five fellow DGs on a team of seven. You can email her at carrie@internetmarketinginc.com or visit http://www.internetmarketinginc.com/ if you’d like to work with fellow Delta Gammas on your social media, or simply to say hello. 

Tips for Graduating Delta Gammas

This is the time of year when many students graduate from college. The purpose of school is to prepare students for the real world. There are many things that you may not have learned in college, or even through the Fraternity. This post is to supplement what you've learned. Getting a job is one thing, but keeping it and excelling at it are another. Here are some tips to help you get ahead:

My doctoral dissertation focused on success factors of female Fortune 1000 board members. These tips helped them, as well as other women leaders, get ahead. Follow their footsteps and you could be the next woman to break through the glass ceiling!

Make a good first impression.

When you first meet someone, look them in the eye and give them a firm handshake. You don’t want it to be limp like a fish and you don’t want to make it seem like you’re breaking their hand either. Introduce yourself with your first and last name. Be sure to hand out your business card, and get theirs too. Ask to keep in touch through LinkedIn. You never know what staying in touch this way will bring. I’ve gotten jobs just by being connected with people through LinkedIn.

Unlearn what you might have learned.

At a young age, women are often socialized in a way that is counterproductive to their success. Some examples of this are being taught to be demure and told that math is for boys. Both of these things can hinder women from success. Being assertive and learning math are things that anyone can do and can help anyone to succeed. Of course, being aggressive is not valued in the workplace, but being assertive is essential to success.

Dress to get ahead.

What women wear is important to success. Studies show that dressing seductively in the workplace keeps women from excelling. If women want to be treated as equal in the workplace and valued, they need to act accordingly. One good example of proper dress was actually taught to me as a Delta Gamma in college. If you’re going to wear a dress, test the appropriateness of its length by putting your hands on your sides with your hands flat. If the dress goes below your middle finger, you’re okay, if it’s above, it’s too short. Don’t show cleavage or a midriff. These are two things that detract from great work. You want to be known for the excellent work you produce, not how tight your clothes are!

Communicate well.

The way you speak is extremely important. Be confident. Lowering the tone of your voice and speaking up are two things that can help you be seen as more credible. Do not end sentences with questions, this detracts from the importance of what you are saying. Also, filler words such as like and um take away from important things you have to say as well.

Dr. Margaret Moodian, Zeta Iota-Chapman, and her husband, Dr. Michael Moodian, live in Orange County, California with their rescue dog, Manny, and chinchilla, Marshall. You can reach Margaret at mminni100@hotmail.com or follow her on Twitter @mminni100.

What it Means to be an Adivser

As our final Adviser Appreciation Month blog post we have a letter from an adviser to Mu-Missouri's Chapter Management Team (CMT). It is a wonderful summary of what advisers are and what they do for our collegians. 

Dear Mu CMT,

I am looking forward to having a fabulous year of improvements and watching each of you make your mark on Mu chapter.

There are a few things that I just wanted to go over as we undertake the new year.

My job is to advise, not do. Sometimes, it's hard for me to toe the line on that one. I need to guide, offer ideas, and answer questions. If I make suggestions, it's okay to say no. Ultimately, you are responsible for the duties of your positions. Watch your deadlines and be knowledgeable with all of the handbooks and resources available to you.

I appreciate your prompt responses to me and other advisers. If you need time to look into something or you're in the middle of a crazy few days with classes, just send a quick, "I got your message and I should be able to look into it soon." It is preferable to receive some type of response within 24 hours. I will do the same for you. If things are crazy with the kids and I can't get you an answer right away, I'll at least let you know that. Trying to follow some etiquette that you might see when you enter a job after college hopefully will be helpful.

You can call me, text me, email me, ask to meet for coffee. I'm very accessible.  If you need a home-cooked meal, I'm here for that too.

Please remember what we've talked about as a chapter as far as social responsibility. As an officer, you are held to a higher standard. Please watch what you post on Facebook and/or photos others tag you in. I see some really great group shots and then I see some pictures that aren't so great. These are there forever. I'm not on Twitter so I won't see what you're doing there, but make it worthy of being a Delta Gamma. Be positive examples for the chapter.

Stay on top of your studies. If you are finding trouble managing, come to me. We'll talk and work on it. Don't let the end of the semester catch up to you and find your grades aren't what they need to be. Balance is hard to achieve, but I know you can do it.

I am thankful to each of you for being willing to step up and lead your chapter. Be confident in your leadership abilities and be flexible. Delegate. Dream. Keep focus on the big picture when the day-to-day starts to drag you down. Be ready to hold your sisters accountable. Be ready to see the amazing product of your hard work. Honor Eva, Anna, and Mary in everything you do, and I'll always be your champion. 

-Julie

Julie Ryan, Epsilon Nu - James Madison, is the Member Education Adviser of Mu-Missouri. She can be reached at julieryannc@aol.com.

"Aunt Hannah" Mentorship Program Brings Boston DGs Together

I am writing this from Boston Logan Airport as I wait for my flight to London shortly after the explosions occurred at the finish line of the Boston Marathon. It has been an emotional day of a range of emotions including excitement, fear, and sorrow. As I checked in with our fellow Delta Gamma alumnae sisters who were running the marathon to make sure they were safe I was overwhelmed with emotions. I moved to Boston about three years ago from New York after finishing my AmeriCorps service to start a new position with Harvard Medical School. I was unaccustomed to the city and did not know a single person. Immediately I reached out to the Boston Delta Gamma Alumnae Chapter and before I knew it I met fellow alumnae, attended social gatherings, and volunteered for Service for Sight. Before I knew it, I had a network of engaged, driven, and smart women to spend time with. When I heard of an opportunity to get matched with a collegian in a mentorship program called “Aunt Hannah” through the alumnae chapter I thought it would be a great opportunity to get involved as an alumnae. I also understood the challenges and frustrations of finding a mentor and how difficult it could be to navigate student life, academia, and chartering your path as a young professional.

As an “Aunt Hannah” I was matched with Amy Bryson a Delta Gamma at Boston University’s Zeta Zeta chapter who at the time was studying international relations with a focus on international systems, public health, and economics. Now she is teaching a 6th grade science and social studies class at a Title-1, failing middle school in Atlanta, GA through Teach For America. Her students face gaps in literacy up to four grade levels (meaning 6th graders are reading and writing at 2nd grade level). However, currently her students are writing five paragraph argumentative essays on the level of the 8th grade-writing test based on clips from 60 Minutes and New York Times Articles about high-level, cross-content topics such as Fracking for Oil Shale or Privatizing Water. This is a testimony of her incredible strength, determination, and passion for ensuring children have access to high quality education to provide opportunities to rise out of poverty.

Over the years I have been a mentee and a mentor in numerous mentorship programs both when I was an undergraduate, graduate student, and now as a young professional. Often it can be challenging, lacking structure, and sometimes even awkward. A true mentorship relationship embodies a balance between listening and problem solving. I have learned a vast amount from being an “Aunt Hannah” during late night Skype sessions with Amy discussing the challenges of being a leader, working in low resource impoverished settings and not getting burn out, trying to navigate uncharted carrier territory, and making graduate school decisions. It has been truly rewarding and has deepened the meaning of my life long membership as a Delta Gamma alumna. I believe through mentorship alumnae can provide guidance and a platform for discussion of hard topics such as finding a true balance as a professional, navigating the grey area of making career decisions, and the gender gap.  

Ariella Camera, Alpha Chi-Penn State, is a Master’s Degree Candidate in Sustainable International Development at the Heller School for Social Policy and Management, at Brandeis University. She transplanted to Boston three years ago where she works at the National Initiative for Children’s Healthcare Quality (NICHQ) and is VP Membership of the Boston Delta Gamma Alumnae Chapter. You can reach Ariella at Ariella.Camera@gmail.com. 

Boston Delta Gamma Alumnae Chapter: The Delta Gamma Boston alumnae chapter supports Zeta Phi- Harvard and Zeta Zeta- Boston University collegiate chapters in a variety of different ways. Throughout the year, alumnae interact with collegians at Founders Day, Foundation activities, and social events like an annual senior tea. Additionally, alumnae provide support for both chapters by volunteering at recruitment and raising funds for several scholarships. In recent years, the alumnae chapter has integrated a mentorship component through “Aunt Hannah” programming, which has spanned from alumnae getting matched with collegians based on professional interests to mentorship-focused events. Boston alumnae look forward to strengthening this mentoring program to better provide collegians and alumnae an opportunity to meaningfully connect.

Being an Adviser is not being an "Obstacle to Fun"

When the opportunity to become ATC arose, I was a bit nervous.  I had been involved with Delta Gamma on an alumnae level, but I had not been involved on the collegiate side since my own collegiate experience.   I expected to be viewed as an obstacle to fun. However, I was pleasantly surprised when I walked into the lecture hall at the University of Delaware for the first time.  I was welcomed by a room full of ‘snaps’ from the women of Zeta Chi, who were excited to have additional support after becoming accustomed to limited adviser involvement.  This warm welcome assured me that accepting this position had been the right decision. 

My first year as ATC was spent learning about the chapter and campus dynamics by attending meetings and events in person.  Due to relocation, I have been forced to become a distance adviser.  When I am not able to be physically present, I am able to maintain my relationship digitally (email, phone, text, Skype, etc.).  Through both of these advising experiences, I have learned that timely communication is key to a successful and respectful advising relationship.  I may not always have an answer to their questions immediately, or at all, but letting these women know that I will work to help them find an answer or an appropriate resource keeps everyone informed and stress-free.  Being an adviser is not about giving answers and enforcing rules.  It is about helping to give these young women the tools, resources, and guidance they need to find their own answers, conduct themselves with dignity, and essentially run their own business. 

Many of my friends ask me why I continue to be involved in Delta Gamma at my age, or why I don’t transfer my advising positions to a collegiate chapter that is closer to where I currently live.  The answer is simple: Over the past two years it has been amazing to watch the women grow personally, professionally, and as a chapter.  My relationship has grown even deeper to include not only adviser, but mentor and friend.  For me, Delta Gamma is a lifelong commitment, and I hope to inspire these women to feel the same way.  

Cara Deitcher, Beta Sigma-Maryland is the Advisory Team Chair for Zeta Chi - Delaware. She can be reached at deltagcarad@gmail.com.

From Lost Alumna to Adviser

I recently heard a term that was new to me – “lost alumna.”  For nearly twenty years, that term described me.

I left DG behind when I left college, in part because I lived far from my campus of initiation and my sisters were spread out across the country.  I did not realize I missed DG until my daughter joined a different sorority at the University of Alabama before DG colonized here.  When DG announced that it was colonizing at the University of Alabama, I sought opportunities to be involved in limited ways.  Then I received an unforgettable phone call – I was asked to serve as an adviser.  I protested that I had no time, but I was a push over because I wanted to contribute in any way I could to make sure the new Delta Gamma colony would be outstanding.  

That call truly changed my life.  I now spend significant time (hours I did not know I could find) consulting with collegians and assisting the officers, directors, and other advisers.  In return, I receive rewards I anticipated: satisfaction from watching the collegians successfully complete major tasks; joy from relationships with outstanding young women who are just beginning to chart their paths in life; pride from observing motivated and caring young women develop into mature leaders; and fulfillment from relationships with the outstanding members of the advisory team.  I also receive rewards I never imagined:  knowledge and personal growth due to the extensive tutelage of our outstanding Council Appointed Consultant and Council Appointed Recruitment Coordinator; friendship and wisdom from numerous dedicated fraternity officers, directors and employees who have always willingly answered my numerous questions; and the development of skills in conflict management, leadership, teaching, etiquette, and communications from working with the collegians.  To my surprise, I learn as much, or more, from the collegians than they learn from me!  I am truly grateful to be a found alumna.

Appie Owens Millsaps, Zeta Beta - Dartmouth College, is an attorney at law in Tuscaloosa, Alabama.  She practices with the law firm of Owens & Millsaps.  She also serves as the Advisory Team Chairperson for Beta Psi - University of Alabama.  You can reach Appie at millsaps@theowensfirm.com.